Sticker Weeds

Over the last 5 months I have been living in a house with a gravel drive-way. The drive-way is fine, but the sticker weeds that seem to grow every few inches are not. I really wouldn't mind them if they didn't get stuck in my shoes, and get deposited every few feet into my front yard.

About a month ago I had a friend over who I had not seen in a while. I was given the task of taking out the garbage after dinner. I don't normally wear shoes inside of the house, so I decided that going barefoot wouldn't be a bad idea. I got to the dumpster (Which I found out later is surrounded by about six feet of sticker weeds) without a single problem. When it was time for the return journey, my first step was met with a sharp stab to my foot, me yelping, and then almost falling over directly into an entire patch of them. My friend helped steady me, and as I stood there pondering my predicament, she figured it would be best if I were to hitch a ride on her back for the return trip to the house. Needless to say I felt very much unmanned by these tiny pests. This is just ONE of the many situations in which sticker weeds have been a literal thorn in my side.

With the weather changing, I have been making more and more trips in and out of the house throughout the day. I noticed a parallel with the amount of outside trips I have been taking, and the increased frequency of surprise sticker weed attacks. This week alone, I have been stabbed by nearly ten. TEN!!! The last one was during lunch today at work. My wife came to visit me, and while I was eating a grapefruit, I noticed that my hands had gotten quite messy. I reached in the back for a towel that I had used the week previous to lay down and change a flat tire with (So I could avoid sticker weeds). As I cleaned my hands off, the tip of my index finger was stuck with.. you guessed it... a sticker weed.

As a young child, many of my memories are of stepping on sticker weeds, and attempting to gain sympathy from my mother by hobbling to the house with the blasted thing still attached to my foot. Now that I am older, any sympathy I would have been given as a child has been replaced by coquettish pouts from my wife, quickly followed by bouts of laughter (for some reason, she seems immune to sticker weeds).

Thus ends my rant on sticker weeds.

Stay tuned for next time, and perhaps I will explain why annoying nasty neighbors leaving lights on at night make me nervous about my my much needed naked hot tub runs.

Then again, I have already said too much about that.

Double parking, and the White Truck Theory

(Prime example of someone who was never told "No" as a child.)

Over the years, I have watched as drivers invent new ways to endanger each other. My mother made an observation once that it is usually people driving white trucks. The bigger the truck, the bigger the jerk, and the more ridiculous the driving. You can usually spot white trucks doing any of the following:

• Double parking
• Triple parking
  
• Flipping U-turns on the freeway (This usually happens in front of the "No U-Turn" signs
• Jumping cement medians on state-street
• Cutting people off (usually on the freeway)
• Going 80 in a residential, or school zone
• Stopping on cross-walks during traffic jams
• Being generally inconsiderate
  

In addition to the white truck theory, Ive noticed a rapid increase in red trucks participating in these nefarious acts.


Today at the store, I was looking for a parking spot. I noticed a red truck taking up three parking spots. I decided to fight back. I placed a shopping cart behind their car. I know it was petty, but it made it so they had to move the cart in order to leave. This one extra step that they were forced to take could have been avoided if they had taken one extra step, and not triple parked.

Additionally, I am surprised that the super-ego who parked the truck didn't just try and back over the cart to assert their alpha maleness.

In short, its time to take a stand. If your reading this, you are the resistance.

Yelling really loud for no apparent reason

When I was a child, the neighbors would always get together and play many different types of games. Among the games were:

• Kick the Can
• Capture the flag
• Baseball
• Basketball
• Hockey

And I am sure there were many many more.
As I grow older, I realize two things.

1. These games most likely bothered the neighbors
2. Kids dont play the same games anymore

The games that I have noticed lately are:

• Play in the road
• Make your dog bark really loud
• Yell really loud for no apparent reason

Today I want to talk about Yell really loud for no apparent reason (Which is sometimes a hybrid of "Play in the road" and "Make your dog bark really loud")

(This is a demonstration of one of the techniques used in the game)

Yell really loud for no apparent reason:
I am sure this game has been around much longer than me, but for some reason I was never allowed to play it. I do however have the special privilege of hearing the game played almost every day. To play the game you need the following.

1. A "yelling field" (This is like a baseball field, but not really)
   
2. A few other kids, to help add variety to the yelling
   
3. Apathetic parents
4. People to hear how good you are (Optional)

It just so happens that a "yelling field" is located right behind my house, near my bedroom window!!! Yelling fields are not that hard to maintain. When a yelling field is not being used, you can lock a dog up outside that barks every 5 seconds, in order to keep the spirit of the game alive. That's right, my neighbors backyard is PRIME territory for the yelling game. The game usually starts when the parents are sick of there children, so they turn them loose to be noisy in the backyard. Some of the best times to play the yelling game are 7:30 am on saturday morning, or just about anytime someone really just wishes they had some piece and quiet. The way to score points in the yelling game are as follows.

Anytime a neighbor says one of the following:

• I never played that game when I was a child
• I will never let my children play this game when they go outside
• I hate children
• I can't seem to fall back asleep
• Are those children being attacked by a bear?? (This one merits 3 points)

There are other ways to score points, for instance... Anytime the game has been allowed to go on another 30 minutes, your score is tripled.

The neighbor kids are VERY good at this game. If there was a professional league for this game, it would only be a matter of time before a talent scout stumbled upon this find. The kids cannot have all of the credit however. I think that the loving parents who encourage this behavior, and help keep the "yelling field" in good repair (See dog barking) deserve as much credit as the children do.

I said I would never get a blog.

And I was wrong. I don't quite know what I will fill these pages with, but I have an inkling that it will be with gripes! I generally don't write things down unless I have been irritated or perturbed by something, and they are usually small inconveniences. Me and the wife (Kate) have our computers set up next to each other. She is pretty keen to when I have been irritated, as I begin to type quickly, and very determinedly. She does not like me to be mean to people (And as a video gamer, being mean to people comes with the territory). I figure I need an outlet for all the left over teen angst that has yet to leave my itchy little fingers, so here goes!

Things you can expect to find on this here blog (As far as I have planned, which was all of two minutes of planning):

A) Things that bother me
B) Things that bother me, that should bother you
C) Things that I try not to let bother me, that REALLY bother me
D) Me bothering you with all of the things that bother me.

I don't mean to come off like Oscar the Grouch, but I just can't help but be seriously agitated by certain things.

Certain things like:
A) Bad Music and the people who like it (See Nickelback and Nickelback fans)
B) People who bother me at my favorite restuaraunts (Conversation dominators one table over)
C) People who try to sell me things (Especially automated things!!)

I am also generally bothered by my lack of motivation to follow through with personal projects, so if this is the one and only post on this here blog, then let this be a personal monument to that.

Also, as a disclaimer. If I should ever target something as lame, or worthless, and you REALLY REALLY disagree, don't take it personally.

Let us begin!

Nickelback: They only know one tune, and yet they keep writing different lyrics for it. Each annoying rhyme that comes out of the lead singers mouth, is like another fly that should never have been allowed in the house. The songs try to be clever, and with each new lackluster attempt, comes more and more proof that the radio really does play what they want you to hear. I dont really know how they got famous, but the one thing I do know... Drumroll please...

They "Didnt make it this far by just shakin hands"

If you listen to them, and you think they are talented, then I applaud you for your endurance. I certainly couldnt buy the same song with a different name every time someones conract dictated that they needed to pump out another.

Ahh... Now I feel much better.